Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A Guideline For Christian Singles

This is something that I wrote several years ago and thought I would post it on here.  Hopefully, it will be an encouragement to someone out there!  :)
A guideline to the single life.  Being a Christian single in the world can be really tough.  It is interesting to read Christian singles forums and just see what people are dealing with.  Being single can especially be tough when you’re around a lot of people that aren’t singles.  It can feel like you don’t fit in anywhere and can turn into a very isolating feeling.  I really feel for singles that are having a tough time battling against it.  I thought it would be fun to type up a guideline to the single life.  Maybe some of these tips will help out some of you singles out there.  Some of this is things that I’ve learned from personal experience while also adding what I’ve learned from seeing others’ experiences. 
Pray, pray, pray.  That is obviously the answer to everything in general cause you should pray about everything anyway.  God wants to know what you’re thinking and feeling.  It definitely ties into this as well.   If your heart is desiring someone, you aren’t going to be able to hide it from God.  He knows your heart.  Talk to God about your feelings.  Know that God hasn’t forgotten about you.  It can be very hard when you see things going on all around you and you just sit there continuously waiting.  You must trust God completely and know that he has plans for you.  What you want and what he wants for you right now may be very different.  Just because it isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it won’t happen for you in the future.  Maybe God’s plans for you right now that involve being single are going to lead you somewhere down the line which will involve meeting someone.  Sadly, it could be possible that God just means for you to be single period.  That could be it but I just really feel that if God puts that desire in your heart to find someone, he isn’t going to leave you alone.  That is my personal belief.  Bottom line.  You must trust God.  He isn’t going to lead you wrong. 
Friends.  Talk to them.  Find friends that you trust and talk to them about things.  Regardless of whether you are single or not, everyone needs to vent about things from time to time.  Friends will hang in there with you and help.  They care.  That is why they are your friends.  Don’t be afraid to lean on them. 
Find something for you.  Sometimes you look at couples and it is this feeling of that they have their own thing going cause they are together.   I know for me that church has been that thing for “me”.  Everyone needs to feel like they have something that is their own.  
Don’t beat yourself up.  It is easy to go down the road of “what is wrong with me?” and “why me?" attitude.   It isn’t you!  You just haven’t met the right person yet.  Don’t even go there with the beating yourself up. 
Be careful of what situations that you put yourself in that might make you feel awkward or make you feel bad as a single.  This is a big one for me.  I am very big on praying about that and figuring out whether going to something will be a good thing or a bad thing for me as a single.  You obviously don’t want to put yourself at a couples night get together or something obvious like that.  This does require being a bit selfish at times but the bottom line is that you have to take care of yourself.  If you’re bailing out on something socially that you might think will be a bad thing for you as a single, people should understand your reasoning.  Yeah, this is a tough one to find a balance on.  Just pray about it. 
Find ways to occupy your time. Find some hobbies that you enjoy.  Get more involved in the church.  The more that you find to do that you enjoy, the less alone time that you are going to have.  Plus, you’ll be having fun and not thinking about how alone you might be feeling at the time.
Talk to other Christian singles and find out what they are dealing with and how they combat it.  Each person has a way of dealing with it and you might find some tips that might make it easier.  Plus, you’ll get to talk to people that understand when at times, you may feel like no one understands. 
Don’t compare yourself to others.  Just don’t even go there either.  Everyone’s lives are different.   I’m talking about, for instance, how you might meet up with old friends and they talk of five million things that they have going on.  Then, you start to talk and think, wow, I can’t even compete with that.   It’s the feeling of that you can’t compete.  Just don’t go there.  Not healthy.  :)
Enjoy life.  Don’t let loneliness steal your joy.  Don’t sit around in life and wait for this to happen for you.   Be thankful for all the blessings that you have in life.  Just because you are feeling alone, don’t let it take away from all the great blessings that God has brought you.  There are so many great things in life that you can enjoy and you don’t need to let your joy of enjoying everyday things be taken away. 
Bottom line.  It is tough.  Some people don’t mind being single at all and prefer it.  Others it can bother right down to their core.  One plea that I have to every church out there is to include your singles.  Church can be an intimidating place at times cause it is a very family type environment.  Many singles desire to have their own family and it can trigger that weakness that they have.  Singles can feel very isolated and not included in life at times.  Come up with activities that everyone can enjoy and have a great time.   Sadly, there are just going to be times where the singleness is just going to bother you.  It is your feelings and God knows that.  It really is just a matter of how you deal with it.  You have to trust God.  God has a plan and he’s going to keep revealing that plan to you.  You just have to hang in there until that plan is shown.

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